Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
