Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
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