if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
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