I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
