Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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