the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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