Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Randomize
