Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
i now understand why vodka
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
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