So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
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