ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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