We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I need to calm my uterus...
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
