after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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