Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
