I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
