why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
