I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
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