no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
