I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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