My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
