we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
