I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
