I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
