I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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