why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
