I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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