just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
She's just so happy...and so naked.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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