i was born a porn star she said
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Randomize
