names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
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