I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
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