okay pat passed out under dana's car
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
