You work out of a Hotel?
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Randomize
