I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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