PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Hippo gnu deer
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
