Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Randomize
