You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize