So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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