So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Randomize
