Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Alive.
So much puke
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize