You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize
