if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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