Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Panties = found
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
