there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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