he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Randomize
