Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
