Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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