a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
This is the high leading the old right now
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
Randomize
