I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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