Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Randomize
