good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
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