i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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