okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
