yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
