Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
