I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Randomize
