It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Randomize
