Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
