I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Randomize
