Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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