3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Randomize
