I understand Curling. That high.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
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