if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
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