are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Randomize
