My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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