Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
His hands were made for my vagina.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
