Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Randomize
