So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
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