My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
