in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Randomize
