In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
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Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
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How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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