why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Randomize
