remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
