the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Randomize
