He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
