well I can't set my house on fire every night
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
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