so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
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