I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Randomize
