Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
