He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
accomplished twins. life is a go
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
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