i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
