No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Be still, my beating vagina.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
