The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
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