Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
