Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
