I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
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After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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