Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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