so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
